Watching the news that a skin care shop in Bootle has decided the virus is a hoax I’ve come to a conclusion. Planet of the Apes had the right idea. Time for the apes to taker control of the earth – they seem to have more intelligence than humans.
With idiots like that around the idea of a total lockdown sounds like a good idea to me – not because of the virus – I just don’t know if I feel safe with people like that on the streets.
Chatting it over with my solicitor (and his wife) tonight I decided that we need to start to spread some conspiracies that would take their imagination, but would not result in dumb behaviour.
So here we go:
- There is an alien conspiracy to take over the world – they are taking the place of cats.
- The alien cats are generating mind control sounds (a sort of humming) that is controlling the families they live with.
- People under their control are posting photographs of their masters (the cats) with hidden subliminal control messages.
- There is a friendly alien group trying to save us from the attack, and they are taking the place of mice.
- This is the reason the alien cats are attacking the alien mice.
- The alien mice are trying to get in to our homes to warn us, but the alien cats are stopping them.
- We need to avoid looking at images of cats – the only antidote is to drink a litre of water after seeing each one in order to dilute the control and flush it from your body.
- We need to leave out cheese to encourage the good mice aliens in to our houses.
ACT NOW TO SAVE THE PLANET FROM THE ALIEN INVASION